This may or may not have been the headline of the ad for a recent UC Berkeley study on the mechanics of rejection. Those who were too afraid to apply could have learned something: Focus and self control may improve your self-esteem, and make the shock of rejection a little bit easier to bear.
Nearly 70 willing volunteers filled out a survey called the Rosenberg Self-Esteem Scale (sample statement: “I certainly feel useless at times”) and then completed a questionnaire about their ability to focus on tasks. They were sorted into two groups: One with normal-to-high self esteem, and one with low self-esteem. I suspect the group with low self-esteem were not told what their group was titled.
Then, each participant was taken into a room where they were shown a series of paintings and images, while their viewing was sporadically interrupted by loud, shocking noises. Electrodes attached beneath the subject’s eyes registered the force of their eye-blinks during the noises, triggered by a region of the brain that controls the “fight or flight” response.
As suspected by the scientists, participants blinked more strongly when they heard the noise while looking at paintings of dead bodies or mutilated animals, as opposed to the warm, accepting images of lovers embracing. Blinks were noticeably stronger in the group with low self-esteem when they were shown paintings of lonely, alienated people. But the scientists noticed that people with low-self esteem who scored high on the focus test had the ability to tone down their eye blinks.
The psychology whizzes who masterminded the study surmised that people with low self-esteem have a deep rooted fear of rejection, but that can be overcome if they’re able to control their impulses to become distraught at rejection. They said self-esteem is like “a primitive emotional warning system that lets you know when you’re in danger of being socially excluded.” We all know a person (or maybe are one ourselves) who lets this warning system go off easily, either fleeing at the slightest hint of rejection, or avoiding relationships altogether. From their findings, the scientists suggest that training the mind to focus for extended periods might help people maintain closer and healthier relationships.
*Artist’s rendering of “rejection” from beeskneesindustries on Flickr.
“Gee, I don’t know. I don’t think I could handle that. I’m no good at this science stuff. Or working with other people. Or math. ESPECIALLY math. I mean, where will I ever need to know what ‘2 plus 2 equals’ anyway. It’s just too hard. I can’t do it.”
OK, OK, I exaggerate a bit, but this is much the way many of my students act — if not specifically state it — in my introductory Astronomy classes. Why they even bother to take a science course is beyond me, except I think that Astronomy has a mystique many other sciences lack (actually, Physics has it, too, but there aren’t as many “pretty pictures” to arouse interest).
The sad thing is that all these students have more than enough native intelligence to ace a simple introductory course, but whether through a genuinely low self esteem or through peer pressure (more below), they have physched themselves into the idea that they are “no good” at science or that they might be considered a “geek”, which apparently is the ultimate “uncool” thing. [Yeah, but aren't Bill Gate's billions and all those cool gadgets pretty cool? Huh?]
The funny thing (in a sad sense) is that some students almost seem proud of the fact that they don’t seem to know any math or even the rudiments of logical thinking. I think that they are afraid to seem smart in any academic sense. This is NOT any kind of classical deficit in self esteem. It is self-imposed and shallow pettiness. Maybe they know the latest about Paris Hilton or the latest song by (fill in the blank), but if it comes to knowing anything about how the world really works — well, it’s just not their thing. Too bad, because I know without doubt that unless a student has some kind of mental challenge (don’t you like how I am being PC here?), they can make an “A” in my class. But relatively few even try. I hope they all read this, because I want them to take it as a challenge.
Larry S.
Maybe students are afraid they’ll be rejected by their classmates if they are geeky enough to be good at math. Or maybe they’ve been rejected by math, and it hurts too much to try again.
In school, I fell into the latter category. My brain doesn’t play well with numbers - still, when people begin to talk in numbers I automatically tune out (sorry, everyone). I found solace in the fact that most other people I knew hated math, too. It seemed pretty lame to all of us. Our indifference to learning was probably helped out by the phenomenon low self-esteem in high school, and college - no one knows whether or not they’ll be rejected by their peers on any given day for any unknown reason.
I’m still not good with numbers, but I no longer hate math. I respect people who find it interesting and are good at it. We need them - so that all of us who are no good at math can forget all about our sad, awkward experiences with algebra.
Lindsay, I wasn’t good at math either. It really surprised me in college when I discovered I was really good at conceptual physics! Live and learn …
About this rejection thing, though … I wonder if people who feel rejected just have a hard time with external stimulation, period. I read something about that when my children were younger. Some people just have a tougher time dealing with “reality” - say, walking into a room that’s filled with objects - I recall that there’s a correlation between people with low self-esteem and the ability to recall the contents of a room. People with low self-esteem might only remember one or two items in the room, where others with better self-esteem might remember a dozen. It’s sort of a “disconnect” with the world.
Deborah
lindsay, completely interesting piece!
beth
Interesting indeed. After reading your article I guess I have a low self esteem then because I can also feel the one called warning system that a low esteemed people have. And I’m also avoiding relationships because I’m afraid to get rejected in time.
-Jan