Last week, Earth & Sky featured a radio show about carbon offsets. Carbon offsetting is the system of paying companies to invest in projects to neutralize your carbon emissions. Climate scientist Ken Caldeira called carbon offsets “questionable” because there is no concrete way to measure how the offsets you pay for actually affect carbon in the atmosphere.
But carbon offsets are gaining momentum with the help of a few high-profile buyers, and are entering the realm of pop culture. And along with everything else in pop culture, there’s plenty of room for satire.
Enter CheatNeutral, a British website that offers to help you because you can’t help yourself.
According to the website, “when you cheat on your partner you add to the heartbreak, pain and jealousy in the atmosphere.” CheatNeutral gives you two options: You can pay to offset your indiscretions, or, if you’re the faithful type, you can become a project and get paid to not cheat. Sound suspicious? Just read the customer testimonials and put your doubts to rest.
The highlight of the site is a film in which CheatNeutral’s founders appeal to people on the street to neutralize the damage they’re doing to their relationships.
CheatNeutral also reminds you to first, look at ways of reducing your cheating. “Once you’ve done this you can use Cheatneutral to offset the remaining, unavoidable cheating.”
Leave it to the clever Brits to come up with a witty spoof on carbon offsetting. Oh, if life could only be so simple; well, maybe not. Thanks for finding the site.
This is very funny.
True or not, I think this just highlights how stupid offsets are. It doesn’t matter what they do with the money - you’re still burning the Earth. You can’t unburn the irreplaceable jetfuel or coal with any amount of money. Can you offset other irreversible travesties with money?
Then we need to start looking for a country who’ll pledge not to kill hundreds of thousands of Iraqi civilians to offset our invasion, and we’d be set!
Offsets are the same as sin-eaters from the dark ages.
Just a way for rich people to buy a good feeling. In that sense, though, carbon offsets are perfect: You pay a little extra to gas up your SUV, then you pay a little more to buy offsets, then you only have to be stupid and not care about the real effects of your actions, and you can feel good about your SUV again without changing anything! You lucky rich person, you.
So when are you going to offset your new roommate?