Lindsay Patterson

At long last! Doritos has chosen the ad that will have the historical distinction of being the first targeted to aliens. If you recall my previous post on this really important subject, you know that intelligent life who live in 47 UMa will have to assemble the technology to convert the ad from binary code to view it. But Earthlings can watch it on YouTube:

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EWpnehprYc0

Now, look at this ad from the perspective of the aliens, who are viewing human life for the first time. I’m afraid they might think that the Doritos are the intelligent life in the video, not the human. The Doritos are doing primitive dances (an obvious sign of civilization) and have found a clever way to reseal their own packaging (clear sign of intelligence and/or magical abilities), while the man just comes in and dumbly chomps on whatever he finds sitting in his salsa (gross). Also, the ad might cause the aliens to think we haven’t moved beyond stop-motion film. That would cast a dark shadow on their opinion of our culture.

I know there’s no precedent for this type of advertising, nor is there a way to test this on alien focus groups. But I’ve watched a few of the other contest entries, and I think they’re all completely off the mark. Ask yourself, would aliens want to see a giant talking cat begging for Doritos? Or would they laugh at two men sharing a urinal? I just don’t think they’d get it.

Regardless of artistic quality, Doritos really should be thinking about the consequences of their actions. Peter Charles, Head of the Doritos Broadcast Project, declared, “We are constantly looking to push the boundaries of advertising and this will go further than any brand has gone before… We also shouldn’t be too surprised if the first aliens start arriving on planet Earth immediately demanding a bag of Doritos.”

And after that, things get ugly. Let’s all take a moment to appreciate the naive ingenuity of advertising.