Guess which animal has the longest penis proportionate to its body size? It’s not the blue whale. Elephant? Nope. Maybe the giraffe?
Wrong again. The award for longest penis goes to . . . the barnacle. That’s right, the barnacle–an arthropod that fixes onto a rocky surface and lives inside a series of layered, shell-like plates–has a penis that is a record eight times the length of its body.
These humble, stationary creatures may don’t get around much. In fact, they don’t get around at all. So in order to mate and reproduce, a barnacle has to literally reach out to another barnacle . . . with its penis. Once the long, spindly organ has found a willing recipient, it deposits sperm and snakes its way back into the barnacle from whence it had unfurled.
If this is hard to imagine, check out some actual footage here:[kml_flashembed movie="http://www.youtube.com/v/2YhctjkCLwQ" width="425" height="350" wmode="transparent" /]
If this isn’t weird enough, consider that barnacles are also hermaphrodytic, having both male and female reproductive parts. And not only are their penises impressively long; they also differ in shape and size depending on where barnacles live. According to a report published recently in the Proceedings of the Royal Society B, barnacles, barnacles living in turbulent water exposed to frequent waves have penises that are shorter and stouter than barnacles living in placid, protected covers. Presumably, the shorter penises are an adaptation meant to allow a barnacle to better control its extended penis in choppy waters.
Even more remarkable is that fact that if you move a barnacle from open, wave-sundered waters to calmer waters, its penis grows longer and more flexible.
So why does any of this matter? In the words of the study’s authors: “This dramatic plasticity in genital form is a valuable reminder that factors other than the usual drivers of genital diversification—female choice, sexual conflict and male–male competition—can influence genital form.”
And to think that all this time I thought it was there shells that were cutting my feet.
Now we know why when Sponge Bob swears he says ” barnacles”.
It must be really confusing when barnacles go to concerts and the pop-singer type barnacle is all like, “Now all you ladies out there!”